Sitting here last night, contemplating the artistry that the surgeon created with her ball point pen on my thigh showing the second area they will be removing, I thought: Gee, this is a cool design.  I should make a mosaic of it.  It’s the shape of an eye.  The protector eye?  The all-seeing eye? The ayes have it?  Oh, wait, wrong “aye”.

Looking at it now, I am reminded of my friend Yvonne Yaar’s artwork of glass eyes….the protector kind that you see over doorways.  Eventually, I probaby will create something in it’s form.  It will be cathartic, just like writing is, for me.  It’s a lot larger of an area than I expected stretching down the length of my thigh. (Yvonne’s artwork can be seen here:

Contemplation, that’s where I’m at now.  Just thinking about it all, studying what is happening, meditating a bit more since my blood pressure (which is always quite low) was a bit high yesterday during the anxiety of it all.

Contemplating choices that no longer exist is a waste of time, decisions that have already been made are to be accepted, waiting is all that there is: Now we are just waiting.   I think I’ll go create something with the kiddos, roll some clay out, and let them loose with it…it doesn’t get better than that, now does it?

con·tem·pla·tion  (kntm-plshn)


1. The act or state of contemplating.
2. Thoughtful observation or study.
3. Meditation on spiritual matters, especially as a
form of devotion.
4. Intention or expectation

(google hit: The Free Dictionary)


2 Comments (+add yours?)

  1. suzyblu
    Oct 08, 2011 @ 16:40:56

    My dear friend – as I read your words I am once again struck by the beauty that is you. In your shoes, it would be so easy to just curl up and whine about the unfairness of the Universe, etc. Instead, as usual, you are walking your talk. You are living the life you always profess and moving forward as positively and strongly as you can. I so love that about you – that even in the roughest of times you stay true to all you are and all you believe. (And even if there are moments in the dark of the night when you actually do feel that need to whine and cry, that’s okay! You are after all, only human. Just an extraordinarily strong, wonderful and beautiful one!)

    I am so sorry that this has landed on you. I wish one of your choices was to just say no! Thank you, but no. Absent that, then I wish that all the tests prove that this has been found, dealt with, and little to no further treatment is required. In other words I wish for you the best possible outcome to a sucky situation – I guess you knew that already. I wish for you also to feel all the love and support and healing energy pouring out to you from all of us who love!! You should be feeling bathed in it.

    I know you have a strong, wonderful, capable partner in David and that he will be there for you every step of the way. And you have an amazing family who will also be there. Still, if the two of you need anything, please don’t hesitate to call. I am here.


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